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Almost December

I can't believe we're more than half way into November. I look back on the year and ask myself, "What have I done with my life this year?" Sure, I finally started boxing and enrolled/completed an introductory Mandarin course but did I take steps toward becoming a better man? A better person?

My coworker recently asked me, "Why do you keep yourself so busy? Why do you box and hit the gym? Why do you take Mandarin? Why are you trying to become a better person when we're all just going to die anyway?" I honestly couldn't think of a quick, solid answer to his question...

Maybe the better question to ask myself is not whether or not I've become a better person but why I spend so much time and energy trying to better myself...

I kind of have an idea as to why I am the way I am. But the quick answer I give you now is that I find keeping myself busy to be a better solution than keeping myself idle.


"While we are postponing, life speeds by."
- Seneca

Change

I am usually very reluctant and stubborn to change... but sometimes, change is necessary and can be positive.

Like my blog. The black background was pretty rough on the eyes so I changed it. I realized that there are a few more readers than I thought and didn't want to get sued for temporary blindness. Oh and for you friends that read my blog, thank you for having nothing better to do. :D

All jokes aside, I appreciate your time. <3

OH! And you can now comment anonymously so feel free say hi or hate on me.

Timing is Everything...

Do you ever wonder how things would have turned out if you met someone at a different time? When it comes to relationships, I really think that TIMING is more important than THE PERSON.

Is it THE person that all of sudden makes you want to settle down, get married, and start a family?

Or is it when you feel like it's time to settle down and you want to start a family, and A person just happens to be by your side or comes along?

I personally believe it's the latter.


On a side note: I think society/people these days are too concerned about dating and having a bf/gf and putting labels on things. Why can't I just hang out with people I get along with and not have people ask me things like "are you dating/what's going on/how far did you guys go/etc." It's not THAT important people... don't worry about it.

What a Release...

I don't know where it all came from but I seriously broke down and bawled my ass off today and I'm not even ashamed to admit it. At first, I felt ridiculous and stupid and angry at myself for crying but when it wouldn't stop and I just gave up and gave in, it felt amazing, like this huge weight's been lifted off my shoulders and I was releasing every little pent up anger, bitterness, sadness, etc. from my body, mind, and soul. I honestly can't even remember the last time I cried. I didn't cry at my grandfather's funeral, I didn't cry at my aunt's funeral, I shed a few tears at my stepfather's funeral but only because my mom was bawling... I never cried even when some of my friends cried FOR ME at times...

Then today... I cried. No, I cried and cried like a newborn baby. And I didn't hide it, I told my friends... because it felt amazing to just let it all go... It felt so good that I may go cry some more now.


Words that randomly started it all, from a song I've never heard before:

아무렇지 않은 척
웃어야 하나요
나 아무렇지 않은 척
하루가 지나가네요

Cold Side of Me...

Don't make a habit of disappointing me...

Because in the end, you'll be the one that's really disappointed.

Post-Vacation Thoughts

I recently got back from a short vacation to Hawaii with a couple friends. We did what three guys would do on vacation: relax, bond, eat, drink, and act stupid at times. I also personally spent a lot of time thinking about my life... the past, the present, but not so much about the future because I learned in life that no matter how hard you try to plan out your future, life doesn't really work out the way you intended.

Anyways, one very broad conclusion I came to is that I waste a lot of time and energy in a lot of different ways. It could be anything from wasting energy on meaningless "friendships" or wasting time by thinking too much about "relationships" or never getting around to doing that one thing I always told myself I'd do. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I think way too much about things and somehow end up justifying my wasting-time-actions. I know I'm being pretty vague here but I don't really want to get into the specifics or give examples supporting my thoughts. The conclusion is that I'm trying to be more straightforward, open, and stop wasting so much time on meaningless, mundane tasks.

So the first couple things I did when I got back? I signed up for Mandarin I class at the UC Berkeley Extension and I also signed up for the CFA Level II Test for June 2011. I signed up for the test for 2010 but didn't even end up taking the exam because... well, I wasted a lot of time and never got around to studying for it... I honestly don't know how or if I'll be able to squeeze all this in while trying to keep up with my physical activities so wish me luck.


On a side note: A girl told me I'm TOO nice. I believe her exact words were "You're TOO nice. You'd be hotter if you were a dick." I've considered switching to dick-mode but I'm not sure that's a good idea. If I end up being dickish to you and you don't like it, I apologize in advance.