Change

I am usually very reluctant and stubborn to change... but sometimes, change is necessary and can be positive.

Like my blog. The black background was pretty rough on the eyes so I changed it. I realized that there are a few more readers than I thought and didn't want to get sued for temporary blindness. Oh and for you friends that read my blog, thank you for having nothing better to do. :D

All jokes aside, I appreciate your time. <3

OH! And you can now comment anonymously so feel free say hi or hate on me.

Timing is Everything...

Do you ever wonder how things would have turned out if you met someone at a different time? When it comes to relationships, I really think that TIMING is more important than THE PERSON.

Is it THE person that all of sudden makes you want to settle down, get married, and start a family?

Or is it when you feel like it's time to settle down and you want to start a family, and A person just happens to be by your side or comes along?

I personally believe it's the latter.


On a side note: I think society/people these days are too concerned about dating and having a bf/gf and putting labels on things. Why can't I just hang out with people I get along with and not have people ask me things like "are you dating/what's going on/how far did you guys go/etc." It's not THAT important people... don't worry about it.

What a Release...

I don't know where it all came from but I seriously broke down and bawled my ass off today and I'm not even ashamed to admit it. At first, I felt ridiculous and stupid and angry at myself for crying but when it wouldn't stop and I just gave up and gave in, it felt amazing, like this huge weight's been lifted off my shoulders and I was releasing every little pent up anger, bitterness, sadness, etc. from my body, mind, and soul. I honestly can't even remember the last time I cried. I didn't cry at my grandfather's funeral, I didn't cry at my aunt's funeral, I shed a few tears at my stepfather's funeral but only because my mom was bawling... I never cried even when some of my friends cried FOR ME at times...

Then today... I cried. No, I cried and cried like a newborn baby. And I didn't hide it, I told my friends... because it felt amazing to just let it all go... It felt so good that I may go cry some more now.


Words that randomly started it all, from a song I've never heard before:

아무렇지 않은 척
웃어야 하나요
나 아무렇지 않은 척
하루가 지나가네요

Cold Side of Me...

Don't make a habit of disappointing me...

Because in the end, you'll be the one that's really disappointed.

Post-Vacation Thoughts

I recently got back from a short vacation to Hawaii with a couple friends. We did what three guys would do on vacation: relax, bond, eat, drink, and act stupid at times. I also personally spent a lot of time thinking about my life... the past, the present, but not so much about the future because I learned in life that no matter how hard you try to plan out your future, life doesn't really work out the way you intended.

Anyways, one very broad conclusion I came to is that I waste a lot of time and energy in a lot of different ways. It could be anything from wasting energy on meaningless "friendships" or wasting time by thinking too much about "relationships" or never getting around to doing that one thing I always told myself I'd do. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I think way too much about things and somehow end up justifying my wasting-time-actions. I know I'm being pretty vague here but I don't really want to get into the specifics or give examples supporting my thoughts. The conclusion is that I'm trying to be more straightforward, open, and stop wasting so much time on meaningless, mundane tasks.

So the first couple things I did when I got back? I signed up for Mandarin I class at the UC Berkeley Extension and I also signed up for the CFA Level II Test for June 2011. I signed up for the test for 2010 but didn't even end up taking the exam because... well, I wasted a lot of time and never got around to studying for it... I honestly don't know how or if I'll be able to squeeze all this in while trying to keep up with my physical activities so wish me luck.


On a side note: A girl told me I'm TOO nice. I believe her exact words were "You're TOO nice. You'd be hotter if you were a dick." I've considered switching to dick-mode but I'm not sure that's a good idea. If I end up being dickish to you and you don't like it, I apologize in advance.

Conflict: Good Son Bad Son?!

I just gave my mom $5k so she can travel to Korea to visit her sister and my cousins and to get some much needed dental work for herself. We've both never been back since we came here when I was 7 so I'm excited and happy for her. I guess that's me trying to play the role of the good son...

But what about what I want?! My life's goals and dreams? I told myself I'd only work in this stressful environment for 5 years before pursuing my goals and dreams. It's now been 5 years and I see no end in sight. Don't get me wrong, my mom is absolutely amazing and she gave up her life for me so it's my duty and privilege to do the same for her and she never asks anything of me... but I'm starting to feel like this responsibility and life is starting to wear me down...

I'm just venting. I've had a ridiculous migraine for the past two days, took literally 18 pills of Excedrine/Ibuprofen/Advil in the past 48 hours and slept less than 7. I think I deserve to vent once in a while. I wish I could scream but no one would hear me anyway.

Touched by an Angel(s)

You know... with my history of judging people and thinking I'm all high and mighty and at one point, having almost no friends at all, I'm constantly amazed and feel so lucky to be surrounded by amazing friends and people in my life now...

I met Liz and Lori on a business trip to Chicago a couple years ago. They worked in my company's Chicago office and they were nice enough to introduce themselves and take me out to dinner with some other office peeps when I visited. I really didn't think much of it then, I thought it was office politics and they were just trying to make people from the San Francisco office feel welcomed.

Then a few months later, my stepdad passed away. And a couple weeks after that I received a random HUGE box just filled with food, snacks, candy, letters, and most importantly, LOVE. It was from Liz and Lori. They found out about my stepdad's passing through one of my coworkers and sent me a ridiculously giant care package. I honestly couldn't believe it at the time... Two people who I just met for a day or two showed so much more care and love than some people I had known for what feels like a lifetime...

I was in Chicago for work and play recently and again, I was amazed at Liz and Lori's generosity and kindness. Liz literally wiped off whatever was on her schedule for the weekend and drove me around everywhere and bought me lunch/dinner and even let me stay with her and her boyfriend for the entire weekend! And Lori currently lives in Hawaii but was in town for a visit and brought me chocolates and coffee from Hawaii in addition to buying me lunch/dinner in Chicago! And honestly, it's no easy feat buying me food when we go out so we literally fought for the checks, had a foot race to pick up pizza, secretly paid our waiter before anyone noticed, and many more shenanigans... Oh and they picked me up and dropped me off at the airport too...

Long story short... Elizabeth and Lori, THANK YOU. I can honestly never thank you enough and you guys are two of the most kind-hearted people in the world. I wish I can be even half as good of a friend to you guys as you guys are to me. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.