My mom usually writes me a letter every couple months and they always make me think about myself.
She always encourages me and makes me feel like she's proud of me. She also always tells me to be happy and to never make money my goal... But what's crazy is that it feels like she still sees right through me even though we haven't lived together in about 11 years and that's a long time to be apart and still know someone inside out. I feel this way because she still gives me advice on my way of life (even though she doesn't see it) and points out parts of my personality that I should try to change or work on (even though I try my best to hide it).
Anyways, here's the end excerpt from the most recent letter:
"태이야, 너는 외롭게 살지말고 친구도 많이 만나면서 폭넓은 대화도 나누고 넓은 시야를 가지렴.
그리고 무엇보다도 건강이 우선이니 라면 그만 먹고 영양식으로 잘 챙겨먹도록 해라.
엄마는 네가 가슴이 따뜻한 사람이면 좋겠다. 사랑한다 내 아들."
I'm grateful to have been raised and continue to be raised by such a wise woman. It's a constant battle to remain modest and humble with all my awesomeness (^^v) but her letters always remind me that I have many, many flaws.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Advice to Lovers
해본적 있나요 by KCM
지금 사랑하는 그 사람 있나요?
사랑하고 있다면 (후회없이) 아낌없이 정말 잘해줘요
한시도 슬프지 않게 혼자서 외롭지 않게 해요 (곁에 없어도)
혼자라고 느끼지 않게 해줘요 (좋은 추억 많이 만들어줘요)
가슴 벅차오르게 (함께 할 땐 소중함을 몰라요) 이제야 깨달아요
때론 눈물나게 가슴 아플 때 내 사랑에 조금 지칠 때 맘에도 없는 말로 큰 상처 주지 마요
서로 사랑하는 거 그게 사랑이란 걸 늦게 알게 되면 더 아픕니다
이제껏 흘러내린 내 눈물보다 더 많은 눈물 흘린대도
가슴 속에 새겨진 내 사랑이라면 눈물 없는 사랑은
세상에 없다는 걸 처음 받은 사랑 잊지말아요.
많이 정신없이 바쁜 일 있어도 문자나 전화쯤은 (자주 해요)
사소한 실수는 웃고 넘겨요 과거에 집착말아요. 누구와 절대 비교 말아요
(따듯하게) 작은 고민까지도 함께해줘요 (둘만의 믿음 잃지 말아요)
항상 기댈 수 있게 (갈대처럼 흔들리지 말아요) 한결같은 맘으로
때론 눈물나게 가슴 아플 때 내 사랑에 조금 지칠 때 맘에도 없는 말로 큰 상처 주지 마요
서로 사랑하는 걸 그게 사랑이란 걸 늦게 알게 되면 더 아픕니다
이제껏 흘러내린 내 눈물보다 더 많은 눈물 흘린대도
가슴 속에 새겨준 내 사랑이라면 눈물 없는 사랑은
세상에 없다는 걸 처음 받은 사랑 잊지말아요
그땐 몰랐어요 사랑인걸 이젠 너무 늦은 건가요
많이 어렸나 봐요 사랑인 줄 모르고 늦게 알아서 정말 미안해요.
네, 해본적 있어요. 그리고 웃을수 있어요... :)
지금 사랑하는 그 사람 있나요?
사랑하고 있다면 (후회없이) 아낌없이 정말 잘해줘요
한시도 슬프지 않게 혼자서 외롭지 않게 해요 (곁에 없어도)
혼자라고 느끼지 않게 해줘요 (좋은 추억 많이 만들어줘요)
가슴 벅차오르게 (함께 할 땐 소중함을 몰라요) 이제야 깨달아요
때론 눈물나게 가슴 아플 때 내 사랑에 조금 지칠 때 맘에도 없는 말로 큰 상처 주지 마요
서로 사랑하는 거 그게 사랑이란 걸 늦게 알게 되면 더 아픕니다
이제껏 흘러내린 내 눈물보다 더 많은 눈물 흘린대도
가슴 속에 새겨진 내 사랑이라면 눈물 없는 사랑은
세상에 없다는 걸 처음 받은 사랑 잊지말아요.
많이 정신없이 바쁜 일 있어도 문자나 전화쯤은 (자주 해요)
사소한 실수는 웃고 넘겨요 과거에 집착말아요. 누구와 절대 비교 말아요
(따듯하게) 작은 고민까지도 함께해줘요 (둘만의 믿음 잃지 말아요)
항상 기댈 수 있게 (갈대처럼 흔들리지 말아요) 한결같은 맘으로
때론 눈물나게 가슴 아플 때 내 사랑에 조금 지칠 때 맘에도 없는 말로 큰 상처 주지 마요
서로 사랑하는 걸 그게 사랑이란 걸 늦게 알게 되면 더 아픕니다
이제껏 흘러내린 내 눈물보다 더 많은 눈물 흘린대도
가슴 속에 새겨준 내 사랑이라면 눈물 없는 사랑은
세상에 없다는 걸 처음 받은 사랑 잊지말아요
그땐 몰랐어요 사랑인걸 이젠 너무 늦은 건가요
많이 어렸나 봐요 사랑인 줄 모르고 늦게 알아서 정말 미안해요.
네, 해본적 있어요. 그리고 웃을수 있어요... :)
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Thoughts.
Not typical of my usual postings but more of a recap of what's been going on and quick thoughts that are running through my mind.
1. I have yet another exam tomorrow, series 56. Shouldn't be a problem but still, I feel like I take too many exams in life. Oh, and updating your blog the day before an exam always feels right.
2. Had lunch with my older sis today (really good friend who I call my older sis, I confide in her and tell her everything). We used to work together at my old company and she's the only person in my life, other than my mom, who tells it to me straight, even if it's negative. She told me today, "I don't understand why they chose you for that job. When you're working, you're an incredibly bitter bitch and mean." The funny thing is, she's the one who hired me at my old company haha. A couple other things she told me before that come to mind right now - "You go from being incredible hulk to incredible sulk", "You can be incredibly charming when you want to be but you choose to be a dick" and "As I watched you play X-Box, I asked myself 'how does he ever pull women?'". I love her.
3. The human mind is so so fickle. I should be appreciative and content that I'm having a really good month at work but instead, I'm still kicking myself over the day I cost myself $120k and think, "it could have been even more!" I hate this about myself.
4. Vegas in a couple of days. I was initially nonchalant about it but now I'm excited. I'm going to secretly use the trip as a celebration of my new job and passing my exam.
5. I live my life in a very structured, robotic way. My nickname is a robot... So let's try to be a little crazy and out there from time to time.
6. I recently realized that being nice and humble really doesn't accomplish much. People will say you're a good person for it but those are just words. I think I've had more people take advantage of it (not sure if it's done on purpose or not) than something good happen from it. So I'm just going to be not-so-nice and say I'm awesome.
7. I've been trying to be more open and direct because I really don't like wasting my time. But I understand that this may sometimes make me come off differently than I intend to. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, I'm just trying to save time.
8. I'm still very black and white when it comes to people. If I decide that I don't like you, it's too late and it's hopeless for you. I don't care if you realize it late.
9. I didn't forget about blogging my ghetto car wash experience. I just need some time to get in the right mindset and mentally put myself back in that environment.
10. 이상하게 끌려. 그냥 너가 누구지 알고싶은데 너무 시간이 없는것갔다. 어짜피 모르는 사람, 좋으면 낭이고 아니면 남인데...
1. I have yet another exam tomorrow, series 56. Shouldn't be a problem but still, I feel like I take too many exams in life. Oh, and updating your blog the day before an exam always feels right.
2. Had lunch with my older sis today (really good friend who I call my older sis, I confide in her and tell her everything). We used to work together at my old company and she's the only person in my life, other than my mom, who tells it to me straight, even if it's negative. She told me today, "I don't understand why they chose you for that job. When you're working, you're an incredibly bitter bitch and mean." The funny thing is, she's the one who hired me at my old company haha. A couple other things she told me before that come to mind right now - "You go from being incredible hulk to incredible sulk", "You can be incredibly charming when you want to be but you choose to be a dick" and "As I watched you play X-Box, I asked myself 'how does he ever pull women?'". I love her.
3. The human mind is so so fickle. I should be appreciative and content that I'm having a really good month at work but instead, I'm still kicking myself over the day I cost myself $120k and think, "it could have been even more!" I hate this about myself.
4. Vegas in a couple of days. I was initially nonchalant about it but now I'm excited. I'm going to secretly use the trip as a celebration of my new job and passing my exam.
5. I live my life in a very structured, robotic way. My nickname is a robot... So let's try to be a little crazy and out there from time to time.
6. I recently realized that being nice and humble really doesn't accomplish much. People will say you're a good person for it but those are just words. I think I've had more people take advantage of it (not sure if it's done on purpose or not) than something good happen from it. So I'm just going to be not-so-nice and say I'm awesome.
7. I've been trying to be more open and direct because I really don't like wasting my time. But I understand that this may sometimes make me come off differently than I intend to. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, I'm just trying to save time.
8. I'm still very black and white when it comes to people. If I decide that I don't like you, it's too late and it's hopeless for you. I don't care if you realize it late.
9. I didn't forget about blogging my ghetto car wash experience. I just need some time to get in the right mindset and mentally put myself back in that environment.
10. 이상하게 끌려. 그냥 너가 누구지 알고싶은데 너무 시간이 없는것갔다. 어짜피 모르는 사람, 좋으면 낭이고 아니면 남인데...
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Wake Up Call
I had a serious chat session with my friend today and he told me that he admired my ability to stay focused and constantly move forward with my life. I don't know if I can agree with his praise but I do appreciate the compliment. To be completely honest, I've heard similar compliments before from friends. I've been told I'm someone who "just gets sh*t done" or the "Godfather" because I just quietly take care of business. These are all too high of a praise for me but I appreciate them because it becomes a self-fulfilling compliment for me. It's like I somehow became this responsible friend that they can rely on and it's this very reason that motivates me stay focused and hopefully, continue being that friend. But this post really isn't about patting myself in the back...
It seems like a lot of people I know are in some kind of a funk these days... and by funk I mean some odd/weird/negative/depressing situation.
One of my best AND worst abilities is to completely cut out people, no matter how close they are, from my life without hesitation and I don't take back my decision once it's made. It's my best ability because it allows me to completely separate myself from negative people/situations but it's also my worst because it really shows my cold-hearted and have-no-emotions nature (my friends also call me a "robot" because I have no heart). I know I just jumped from people being in a funk to my ability but they're related because the next part goes out to the aforementioned people.
If you're in a funk and are HONESTLY trying your best to remedy your situation, don't hesitate to come to me and I will try my best to play that "Godfather" role and be there for you. I will drag you out and carry you on my back if I have to. You are NOT a burden.
BUT if you're one of those people who come to me just to complain and ask for advice you have no intention of heeding, then don't bother. You are wasting your time and more importantly, you are wasting mine. I can't stand people who just complain and look for an easy way out without trying their best to remedy the situation. I am cold-hearted and I WILL cut you out of my life because you're doing absolutely nothing but trying to drag me down with you.
I know this post seems like some kind of a threat but it's not meant to be. It's my sick and twisted way of motivating you to try harder. Can you honestly look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you're trying your absolute hardest to get out of your funk? My guess is no.
So give yourself a slap and wake the F up.
It seems like a lot of people I know are in some kind of a funk these days... and by funk I mean some odd/weird/negative/depressing situation.
One of my best AND worst abilities is to completely cut out people, no matter how close they are, from my life without hesitation and I don't take back my decision once it's made. It's my best ability because it allows me to completely separate myself from negative people/situations but it's also my worst because it really shows my cold-hearted and have-no-emotions nature (my friends also call me a "robot" because I have no heart). I know I just jumped from people being in a funk to my ability but they're related because the next part goes out to the aforementioned people.
If you're in a funk and are HONESTLY trying your best to remedy your situation, don't hesitate to come to me and I will try my best to play that "Godfather" role and be there for you. I will drag you out and carry you on my back if I have to. You are NOT a burden.
BUT if you're one of those people who come to me just to complain and ask for advice you have no intention of heeding, then don't bother. You are wasting your time and more importantly, you are wasting mine. I can't stand people who just complain and look for an easy way out without trying their best to remedy the situation. I am cold-hearted and I WILL cut you out of my life because you're doing absolutely nothing but trying to drag me down with you.
I know this post seems like some kind of a threat but it's not meant to be. It's my sick and twisted way of motivating you to try harder. Can you honestly look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you're trying your absolute hardest to get out of your funk? My guess is no.
So give yourself a slap and wake the F up.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Real Life
Just got back from LA yesterday. The topic of this entry was on my mind all Sunday/Monday and I wanted to write it as soon as I got back while the thoughts were still clear but I really needed to get some rest before going back to work... so let me just jump right in now.
This past weekend, I FELT change. It's something I always knew was happening and will happen, it's inevitable... but this is the first time I actually FELT it in a big way and it caught me by surprise.
MY FRIENDS ARE ALL GROWING UP, GETTING OLDER, AND MOVING FORWARD WITH THEIR LIVES.
As we grow older, our priorities naturally shift, they have to. I felt like the days of "friendship all day, everyday" is now behind us as our careers, relationships, responsibilities, etc. take precedence. I'm obviously not saying we can never have those days again but an overwhelming bittersweet feeling took hold of me...
Bitter because I relied on my group of friends so much over the past couple years as my escape and they all helped me so much when I was down... and I realize now that I'd have to pick and choose the right times to see and hang out with them, maybe individually, rather than expecting to see everyone all at once every single time I came down.
Sweet because I genuinely believe they are really growing up and moving on to bigger and better things. The road may be bumpy at times but a step forward is a step nonetheless... I also believe that not hanging out with my friends as often doesn't say anything about the strength of our friendship.
To my friends: Some of you are one of the few constants in my life - no matter how little I see or talk to you, you are always there for me and I will always be there for you. Some of you are pleasant surprises - I never expected such kindness from you when you don't even know me well. Some of you are just friends - I realize now that you will never be that great friend I had hoped you would be, no matter how hard I try. But all of you are my friends... and as I now hope to also move forward with my life, I will try my best to appreciate the times we spend together as much as possible because they may be fleeting as we grow beautifully old together.
And as my friend told me this past weekend - "I don't want you to become just another memory."
This past weekend, I FELT change. It's something I always knew was happening and will happen, it's inevitable... but this is the first time I actually FELT it in a big way and it caught me by surprise.
MY FRIENDS ARE ALL GROWING UP, GETTING OLDER, AND MOVING FORWARD WITH THEIR LIVES.
As we grow older, our priorities naturally shift, they have to. I felt like the days of "friendship all day, everyday" is now behind us as our careers, relationships, responsibilities, etc. take precedence. I'm obviously not saying we can never have those days again but an overwhelming bittersweet feeling took hold of me...
Bitter because I relied on my group of friends so much over the past couple years as my escape and they all helped me so much when I was down... and I realize now that I'd have to pick and choose the right times to see and hang out with them, maybe individually, rather than expecting to see everyone all at once every single time I came down.
Sweet because I genuinely believe they are really growing up and moving on to bigger and better things. The road may be bumpy at times but a step forward is a step nonetheless... I also believe that not hanging out with my friends as often doesn't say anything about the strength of our friendship.
To my friends: Some of you are one of the few constants in my life - no matter how little I see or talk to you, you are always there for me and I will always be there for you. Some of you are pleasant surprises - I never expected such kindness from you when you don't even know me well. Some of you are just friends - I realize now that you will never be that great friend I had hoped you would be, no matter how hard I try. But all of you are my friends... and as I now hope to also move forward with my life, I will try my best to appreciate the times we spend together as much as possible because they may be fleeting as we grow beautifully old together.
And as my friend told me this past weekend - "I don't want you to become just another memory."
Monday, June 27, 2011
Secret Garden
So I finally got around to watching 'Secret Garden' that everyone (ok, mostly girls) talked about back in... yea...
I can't believe I'm writing an entry after 'Secret Garden' but some parts of the series really got me thinking... Oh and I almost let June fly by without an entry so there, that's my excuse for writing this entry.
The K-drama is basically about a wealthy guy meeting a poor girl and they fall in love, typical stuff. The part I found interesting was that there's a scene where the guy tells the girl that he knows they won't work out because she's not right for him but he still wants to see her because he finds her interesting and can't get her out of his mind... The reason I found this scene interesting is that my thinking is COMPLETELY opposite! If I meet a girl and think it won't work out, I'll avoid her on purpose even if I find her interesting and want to get to know her better. I'll even go as far as convincing myself that it won't work out like I already know the future or something. I think my friend put it best today when she told me, "you don't give people a chance."
Another scene, actually just a quote, that I really liked was "
I can't believe I'm writing an entry after 'Secret Garden' but some parts of the series really got me thinking... Oh and I almost let June fly by without an entry so there, that's my excuse for writing this entry.
The K-drama is basically about a wealthy guy meeting a poor girl and they fall in love, typical stuff. The part I found interesting was that there's a scene where the guy tells the girl that he knows they won't work out because she's not right for him but he still wants to see her because he finds her interesting and can't get her out of his mind... The reason I found this scene interesting is that my thinking is COMPLETELY opposite! If I meet a girl and think it won't work out, I'll avoid her on purpose even if I find her interesting and want to get to know her better. I'll even go as far as convincing myself that it won't work out like I already know the future or something. I think my friend put it best today when she told me, "you don't give people a chance."
Another scene, actually just a quote, that I really liked was "
Monday, May 9, 2011
잊혀지지 않는 사람...
이 글을 쓸까말까 많이 고민했다...
근데 어차피 이건 나를 위한 공간 이고 읽는 사람도 별로없으니까 괜찮겠지...
이 노래 듣고 눈물을 흘렸다
아직 어리지만 살다보면 사랑하는 사람과도 해어져야할때가 있다는걸 나는 배웠다... 그땐 그녀를 위해 떠나는거라며 내 자신을 설득했지만 많이 아팠지...
하지만 더 아픈건 시간이 흘러도 그게 오른 선택이였는지 아직까지 모르는 나... 조금만 더 노력했으면 괜찮았을까 하는 나...
잊어버렸다고 생각해도 잊혀지지 않는 사람... 잊을라고 노력해도 잊혀지지 않는 사람...
이젠 잊을라고 노력하지않고, 좋은 추억만 소중하게 간직하고 살고싶다...
근데 어차피 이건 나를 위한 공간 이고 읽는 사람도 별로없으니까 괜찮겠지...
이 노래 듣고 눈물을 흘렸다
아직 어리지만 살다보면 사랑하는 사람과도 해어져야할때가 있다는걸 나는 배웠다... 그땐 그녀를 위해 떠나는거라며 내 자신을 설득했지만 많이 아팠지...
하지만 더 아픈건 시간이 흘러도 그게 오른 선택이였는지 아직까지 모르는 나... 조금만 더 노력했으면 괜찮았을까 하는 나...
잊어버렸다고 생각해도 잊혀지지 않는 사람... 잊을라고 노력해도 잊혀지지 않는 사람...
이젠 잊을라고 노력하지않고, 좋은 추억만 소중하게 간직하고 살고싶다...
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