Bowling Sadness...

I like bowling. A lot. I used to go every week in college on Thursdays or Fridays ($1 a game) and I still try to go every few weeks if I can get out of work fast enough... People always ask who I go with so I'll get it out of the way and say I go alone and play anywhere from 6-10 games by myself...

Ever since I started bowling in college, there was always an elderly Japanese couple bowling together. I would guess they're in their 70s or maybe even 80s. We would make small talk here and there when we're next to each other on the lanes (the bowling regulars are very friendly) and they were always very polite and a joy to bowl next to... I always have a soft spot for really old couples that still seem to keep their love intact... Anyways, they got their lane next to me today and I haven't seen them in a while so we exchanged some small talk here and there. But I realized the grandpa wasn't speaking and had trouble finding his bowling ball and knowing when it was his turn to bowl. ***Now for all you non-bowlers out there, bowling etiquette is that you're never supposed to get on the lane and bowl if the person next to you is already on the lane ready to bowl. You're supposed to let them bowl first, then get up and bowl yourself. It's extremely annoying when bowling next to people who do not know bowling etiquette!*** Anyways, I would wait for him to bowl but he'd just stand there looking through all the balls and his wife would come up and tell him which one was his ball. Then he's spend more time trying to figure out how to put his fingers in the ball and his wife would literally put them in for him. After this happened a few times, she finally came over to me and whispered an apology for making me wait. She told me he developed Alzheimer's and isn't the same anymore... All I could do was merely express my condolences and let her know that I have all the time in the world and waiting wasn't a problem... She then went back to helping him find his ball and place his fingers inside it. It was incredibly sad and beautiful to watch her do this with a smile on her face, every single time...

I don't know what the point of this post is... I guess I just wanted to share it... I bowled terribly today but after that moment, I didn't bother looking up at the score again. Keeping score couldn't have been more unimportant...

Another Wedding...

I went to yet another wedding this weekend and before you even ask, yes, I went alone again you punks and it'll always be that way! The wedding was for my good friend from college (but knew him since 9th grade, maybe even earlier). I was honestly expecting the worst. It was a very Christian wedding so I thought it would turn into a long sermon and I'd have to sit there in the heat all dressed up in a suit (I hate dressing up). BUT it ended up being really short and I had an awesome time catching up with old college friends I hadn't seen since... well... college. It was nice to be greeted with smiles and hugs even after not seeing/speaking in such a long time.

Anyways, the point of this post isn't about catching up with old friends. It's no secret that I get pretty sentimental when it comes to certain things. I don't care if I cry watching some sappy ass movie or whatever so there were times during the wedding when I had to look away from certain "images" just to keep my composure. Then I thought to myself, why do these images or events make me feel this way when I don't even believe in love anymore? Well after some thought, the fact is, I don't believe in love FOR MYSELF, it doesn't mean I don't believe other people aren't capable of love. I always wish and want the best for couples I know and I hate hearing about breakups and divorces. So people, when I say I don't believe in love, please don't take it to mean I think you're stupid for being in a relationship and start giving me that evil eye...

Before I digress and ramble further, in honor of my good friend James and Leona's wedding:

"There are three stages.
1. Not loving and not being loved.
2. Loving and not being loved.
3. Loving and being loved.
Now, I tell you that the second stage is better than the first, but the third! That's it!"
- Vincent van Gogh

Congratulations on reaching stage 3 together. <3

Oh Such Ignorant Thoughts!

I lived such a straight life and I really believe in order to live such a life, you have to have a pretty straight and stubborn mindset. I used to believe people who get drunk and party every weekend were "bad" people and would be the "bad" type of friends to have in my life. Now I realize how ridiculously ignorant my thinking and non-logical-logic was.

Yes, I have gone out and partied with my friends more so in the past 2 years than I ever have before in my life. And the fact is, I have met so many people that are welcoming and friendly and I genuinely feel comfortable opening up to (which is very rare for me) the past 2 years than my previous 25-26 years combined. Now how can anyone that makes me feel so comfortable and happy be the "bad" type of friends to have? Because they smoke? Because they drink? Because they like to stay out late and go to bars or clubs on the weekends? Absolutely ridiculous and I feel so stupid I even felt that way. I used to always hear, "Tae is smart." Really? Because being able to read textbooks and remember the information well enough to pass tests doesn't seem that smart to me. I would prefer to hear, "Tae used to memorize things well, but he sure was stupid!" :)

The past couple of years have been so humbling for me. I'm glad life knocked me off of my high horse and I'm grateful to have met and befriended people who didn't judge me like I would have done had life not knocked me off. Difficult to believe that at the time, I was so angry and upset and confused and sad and felt like my life was ending... Now I realize it was just beginning.