I Love Me

A while ago, someone anonymously commented on my blog with the advice, "이기적인게 가끔필요해. 좋은말론, 자신을 더 많이 사랑하도록 해봐." Translation: "You sometimes need to be selfish. To put it nicely, love yourself a lot more."


I find this advice to be more true as I get older. You have to be selfish at times, love yourself the most and in the end, you have to do what's best for you. Obviously, I'm not saying be completely selfish and don't love or do anything for others. But you can't live your life FOR another person, you have to live for yourself and find happiness for yourself. Now what makes us happy differs for us all but I think putting ourselves in this mindset and truly believing that our actions are self-serving will make everything easier.

Example 1. After a breakup, we often find ourselves resenting our exes and saying things like, "but I did this and this FOR him/her and I really didn't want to do it!" Hey, I've been there. We've all been there and probably said something similar. But ultimately, that's on us for doing something we really didn't want to do so why blame and criticize someone we sincerely cared about? Now what if we think about it in another way, that we did things for OUR happiness and didn't think of it as doing something FOR our ex? I can say I did things for girls I've dated that I didn't really want to do (for example, go eat something I don't really want to eat) but I can honestly say that it was more for MY happiness because when we like someone, the simple idea that we're the ones who can make them happy makes us happy (cheesy, I know). So even after a breakup, instead of resenting our ex and complaining that we did things we didn't want to do, we can say, "sure, it was uncomfortable but I did it because it made me happy and I don't regret it and don't resent him/her at all."

Example 2. Again after a breakup and after the initial resentment, we often find ourselves blaming ourselves for the breakup, losing our confidence and asking questions like, "what did I do wrong" or "what's wrong with me". Now unless it's crystal clear that you're really the one who messed it all up, another way to think about it is that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. By learning to love ourselves instead of blaming ourselves, we can simply say, "we just weren't compatible. I'm a pretty good catch and I'm sure I'll meet someone who I'm compatible with." Again, no finger-pointing and blaming yourself because the reality is, you probably are a good catch and there's someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are.

Example 3. Careers. You have to be selfish here and do what makes you happy, not your parents and not your friends. We all know people who constantly complain about their jobs. Yes, your parents want you to be a doctor/lawyer but can you really do something you don't like doing every day for the next 30-40 years because "it pays the bills"? You get one shot at life and that seems like a very miserable way to live, if you ask me. I understand not all of us are blessed with being able to do what we love to do but please, don't do something you HATE doing.


There's actually a reason for this post. It's been a really odd month and I find myself giving this advice to quite a few friends lately due to a variety of reasons. Being able to take care of my friends actually makes me very happy but I'm honestly not sure if I should be the go-to-guy for advice and talks. But I can honestly say that I have been trying to follow the advice of the anonymous commenter and I do find myself happier and more at ease with my life so it seems like the best I can do now is to just share the advice with you.

Love yourself, be selfish at times. It's your life, you should be your first priority.

아이처럼

아이들은 참 아름답다... 외모를 말하는게 아니라 아이들의 마음 말이다... 솔직함. 믿음. 소망.

아이들은 스펀지 같다... 모든걸 듣고, 믿고, 흡수하고, 빨아드려 버린다. 사실 너무 믿어서 아이들에게 제일 먼저 가르치는게 모르는 사람들을 믿지 말고 따라가면 안돼는것...

어른들은 아니다... 너무 많은걸 의심하고, 너무 많은걸 수상해 한다... 살면서 거짓말 당하고, 사기 당하고, 믿는 사람한테 배반당하고, 좋아하는 사람한테 상처받고... 그래서 믿음을 잃고, 이기적이게 돼고, 어릴때 소망도 잊어버리고... 

나도 마찬가지다... 거짓말 당해서, 배반당해서, 상처받아서... 믿음을 잊고, 이기적이게 돼고...  그리고 그 번명으로 남에게 상처주고...

하지만 내 소망, 꿈은 아직 간직하고 있다... 그래서 다시 아이 처럼 믿고 싶다... 내 꿈을 이루려면 믿음이 필요하기 때문에... 사람에겐 믿음이 필요하기 때문에... 이 세상엔 믿음이 필요하기 때문에...