가시나무

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ewe9n__oe5Q

가시나무
작사,곡: 하덕규

내 속엔 내가 너무도 많아 당신의 쉴 곳 없네
내 속엔 헛된 바램들로 당신의 편할 곳 없네
내 속엔 내가 어쩔 수 없는 어둠 당신의 쉴 자리를 뺏고
내 속엔 내가 이길 수 없는 슬픔 무성한 가시나무 숲 같네

바람만 불면... 그 메마른 가지 서로 부대끼며 울어대고
쉴곳을 찾아 지쳐 날아온 어린 새들도 가시에 찔려 날아가고
바람만 불면... 외롭고 또 괴로워 슬픈 노래를 부르던 날이 많았는데

내 속엔 내가 너무도 많아서 당신의 쉴 곳 없네


This song really touched me. When I heard it for the first time yesterday, I felt like I was watching a montage of my life go by in slow motion. It made me reflect back on my past, my thoughts, actions, my behavior and relationships with people.

My friend always told me, "you don't give people a chance." Looking back, I really didn't have any room left in myself to give people a chance to come inside because I was too full of myself... too full of my own sorrows, my own pride, my own bitterness, my own sense of entitlement... And if someone happened to get close, I took my issues out on them and probably hurt them so they'd never come back.

I sometimes try really hard to remember how I spent 2009 but I honestly can't remember too much of it. I don't know if some of the memories I have are from 2009 or 2010 or maybe some other year. Only thing I can tell people is that I made the most amount of money that year but by the end of it, I had spent it all and didn't have anything to show for it. Maybe it'll all come to me one day... Or maybe it'll forever remain lost somewhere in my mind...

This isn't meant to be another emo post. The song just made me reflect and I wanted to get it down somewhere...

*edit* removed last few lines from the original post. If you caught it before I removed it, congratulations. :)